True Londoner

Congratulations to me.

I was told that I can not be called Londoner if I have not been robbed / burgled.

Now I can be called a real Londoner.

Last week my place was burgled. It was probably the burglary with least successful result in the history of London. The bastards (probably yobs) smashed the backdoor of my place … entered my room and made a hell mess in it. They have looked for money and drugs .. but since I have none of both, they had to take whatever they found: an old laptop, my whiskey collection (3bottles) and a pack of 6 beers. Can you imagine burgling somebody’s house and walking away with beer??? For sure these were looooosers !

It was not very pleasant feeling to know that somebody entered my place … and since the door was not repaired they could have came back …. therefore I have called my friend and he came to stay and slept in the other room for few days.

Now it is all behind, the door is fixed and precautions are taken … but the first days were messy … I couldnot really sleep and listened to all the small noises which came from all around the house. Ohh, I was not really happy-chappy …

Dear burglars, if you are planning another raid on my house please do not smash doors and mess anything, just give me a call and I would happily show you around. There is nothing except shoes, underwear and shirts … my word … ;)

Alleluya!

I just want to share an email conversation between two of my good friends. Both of them are quite romantic, one a bit more then the other ... I found it as a nice piece of conversation ... last friday evening one (1) of them talked with a beautiful girl for *three minutes* in a pub ... and then she had to leave ... the pub belongs to her family therefore there is a possibility of meeting her again ...

1:----
Guys, we have to go back to that pub (or the other one just off high st kensington). I've been going crazy all weekend!
2:----
Hahahaha! By God XnameX, you must have broken your personal record of masturbation this weekend (it was on 72 last time I heard). Come on, that girl was fit but she didn’t have more potential than a one night stand. There are lots of girls like that scattered around the city willing to rip off their humid thongs for hedge funders like you… You should be more focused on finding the girl of your dreams…
1:----
"You should be more focused on finding the girl of your dreams…"
I already found her, and it was a complete disaster! I'll take the one night stand, thank you very much.Anyway, you nob, *now* who's being cynical?! What would Zorba do? And why does there always have to be a good reason? Jeez, some people have no faith at all! Where would romeo and juliet have been if romeo had just sat scratching his balls waiting for jesus to miracle him up his dream girl?!?!
2:----
Hey mate, if you think this is the possible girl of your dreams (and not just an idealised vision provoked by her stunning looks and the copious amounts of Corona in your blood stream) then fuck, we’ll go whenever you want to either of the two places. I am a great believer in true love and romanticism! If however, you just want to get laid, then we can also go, but I’ll be slightly less enthusiastic.

The end of the world is neigh, run outside naked, swim in ice-cold rivers and follow rainbows until their birth on the horizon! Alleluya!
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Confession

My dear neighbor,

I want to confess that I have started using the wireless connection of your flat. At the moment it is a bit difficult for me to pay the fees for the internet provider and since all penny counts, I decided to save by finding an alternative connection to the internet. Luckily me, you have had very weak security settings on the wireless hub and I was able to connect to it.

By writing these lines I want to assure you that I am not trying to read your emails or spy on you (not that I know how to do it), I simply share the internet connection. Probably you would not even notice of the sharing because I am not abusing the connection by downloading big files or illegal information, all I do is check the weather and reply my emails.

Honestly, I would have had asked your permission, and I am sure you would not have minded sharing, but unfortunately I do not know to whom or which flat (out of many in our area) the connection belongs to, which makes impossible for me to talk with you directly.

As an exchange for this friendship, I can offer you sharing of my internet connection, when I do make the contract in a year or so time.

Thank you for understanding,

Sincerely yours,
me.